Added: Moise Lippert - Date: 29.12.2021 08:13 - Views: 32477 - Clicks: 1109
I get how freaky it can be for some people to bring this up with a partner. Asking to be sexually fulfilled in a specific way can feel incredibly vulnerable. But the very vulnerability that comes with asking for what you want from your partner can make sex so much more satisfying for both of you. To that end, here are my four best tips for asking for more oral sex.
This goes back to my good-sex ground rule of telling your partner how you want to feel in bed. Important note: It's totally fine for your "why" to be as simple as: "Because it feels good, and I want to feel good! Your partner is not a mind reader. And you might not fully realize all of that unless you really think about how to put your love of oral into words. As you may have experienced, people with vaginas generally receive the message to be ashamed of their bodies and sexualities.
I know that eradicating shame from your sex life is so much easier said than done. But I also know that this hard work is worth it.
Good sex, at that. Also great and normal. The problem is when that aversion is rooted in shame. One of the most absurd myths I regularly hear is that all vaginas smell like fish. The way your vagina smells can absolutely fluctuate for normal reasons like having your period. Otherwise, your vagina probably smells like…a vagina. Even then, the problem is functional, not about how your labia look.
The list of reasons why you might feel sexual or physical shame is unfortunately extensive. Try to work on getting comfortable in your body again, I know, easier said than done. Exactly when and how it makes the most sense to do this depends on your relationship. In a healthy sexual relationship, the shared goal should be to make sure everyone is satisfied. With that in mind, there are a bunch of ways to dive into this conversation. I really miss oral sex. Like, really diving in there?
Any chance you wanna do the same to me tonight? Then ask your partner what they think. The goal is to start a dialogue, not just to get your request off your chest. If so, the way they explain this can tell you a lot about who they are as a partner or confirm what you already suspected. The distinction here is between respectfully and kindly explaining what might be holding them back from oral sex versus criticizing you and making you feel bad for even asking.
The former you can work with. The latter is a red flag. Ultimately, a good partner will want to turn you on, make you feel good, and help you feel comfortable having these conversations. Sexual compatibility is multifaceted, and it includes oral sex preferences. This is where communication comes in yet again. Talking things through might help you and your partner realize this kind of dynamic totally works for both of you. I know, I know: Every relationship is different.
But life is too short to spend time sexually indulging people who act as if doing the same for you is beneath them. You and your vagina deserve better. Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago.
Follow her on Twitter and Instagram GigiEngle. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Think of this as a chance to have an actual discussion about oral sex—not just to make a request.
Gigi Engle is a feminist writer, certified sex coach, and sex educator. School, she teaches a variety of classes centered around pleasure, sexual health, and confidence.
email: [email protected] - phone:(470) 263-4599 x 1099
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